Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
