Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
