I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize