this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Every concussion has its silver lining
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
