a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
