I love black thongs
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
