No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
