i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
