god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
