My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
