what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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