He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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