I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
