Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He has the fingertips of a God
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
