I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
