Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
