We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
