im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
