Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
what day is it and did you see me today?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
