Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize