i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
