Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
