we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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