My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize