I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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