I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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