8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
