im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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