just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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