Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
