she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
