god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
