Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
