Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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