just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
