so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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