I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize