I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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