Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
