This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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