I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
That's intense
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
