Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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