Is it normal to miss your booty call?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
