I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
