Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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