I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
