You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
