U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
