I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
