My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize