I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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