wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
