sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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