every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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