Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The cops high fived after they tackled you
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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