So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
