You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
