I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
