Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just found a bag of teeth...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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