It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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