I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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