Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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