Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
