bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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