You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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