I hate your face
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
