I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
