Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
