it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
